What's up with me ?

Hormones are so evil sometimes. I just came back sailing so revolutionated... and after this i have only weirdness in my life. As i miss my bro so much, i have meet three Down guys in my street just in one day. I use to think that Down people are falling angels, a piece of heaven in our lifes and our souls. But just at this moment... maybe life tries to say me something.
The other day there was a new in tv. The spanish government want to close orphanages and get so many people as posible with " temporal families ". They said that the main problem comes with brothers, who are better to not be separated, and guys with diseases. A mate said that it's natural that someone who wants an orphan wants a healthy orphan. It was quite cruel, as they are person not horses, but life is cruel so i didn't care about it. I argumented, cause i like to argumented, and like any argument you have with a person without perspective, she took it to the personal aspect.
Would you adopt a guy with a disease ? She meant like down, other what my brother had. She didn't know how was my bro, but i thought about the question and i surprised myself answering yes. I would. I won't make a family ever, but if i make one i would like to have a guy other a girl with problems between us. Not for pity, as pity it's a ridiculous argument to do anything, but because a person this way teaches you so much things. They give you a true reason to fight, to never surrender. They hold you when you can't any more and they ask so few for all that they give... People who hasn't lived that experience cannot know what is, so the argument with this woman was a nonsense and a lost of time, but like any conversation it has two levels. One with her, and another with myself. And this second one was really usefull.

I am a few strange again. Remenbering all this theme gave me a feeling of emptyness, of loneliness, of useless. Why living, when i cannot share my knowledge and my experiences to anyone ? Just wander, looking for pleasure and for forgotteness. But at the same time i had a terrible lust for this, for a way to be out of anything, just enclosed in a bubble of feelings to not think. To not suffer.
Maybe that's why i am so weird this days. Lucky tomorrow we come back to work and i force myself to be " normal " again. Maybe i don't know what i really want.

Mr Ale