I didnt know i was so fucking down

It happens from time by time. You have a brake broken ( eh, that sounded funny someway ) but dont know until you have to stop. And then its so late to repair anything. And then you say the thipical "oh my, i am fucked up ". Other if you are in a hurry you say "oh gosh".

Raya hitted the bullseye perfectly with me. I am looking for something that she cannot give me. And the worst thing is that i putted her in a point that noone should be putted. Not, lets say the truth. This is so empathical for me and today i looked like the Prekaren Ale, that pity poor guy.

The worst thing is that i didnt know that i was so eagerly looking for something.

And what were i looking, more than the usual of any man ? I discovered in Greece that i were looking for something and i won't forget Elena for noticing it. Carol would have easier do it, but Carol is so busy for me now a days and that's a good thing.

I were looking for my brother. When i touched Raya's face i were looking for the smile he always gave me as a gift. I was looking for someone who loves me, who adores me. Who says me that i am unique in her/his life and that without me there would be no sense. I have been mistreated, oh baby i've been mistreated, as i were looking for love.

And what can i say ? I am childish. I just want to run away, to go sailing, to forget me in myself. Not any more travelling looking for my own, no more friends in the other corner of the world, no more conversations until sunset. I have discovered my ill, and there is no cure for it. It's a terminal disease, for sure, cause i am looking for a sense to my life. I cannot live of paying bills, discovering places, taking pictures, drinking things. I need something big, something special, something glorious. After all my cinism, i am a man of big causes and adventures. A poor devil.

And what can i say ? I want to run away. Raya is the best girl anyone could wish... she tried to make me stay tomorrow instead of going to Burgas, and she didn't know how to do it. She was too lovely... but she is a hurted person. She has enough love in herself to keep her in movement and less more... she cannot give what she hasn't. This is what happens with me. That i want something that she cannot give me, but what probably noone can. What a pity. Let's go sailing again. At least with the sea and with metal you know what you have: you will never ask them anything that they can give.

God bless you. It will be a loooong weekend and a sad birthday after all. Miss you so much, my brother of Las Palmas, Luis and everybody. Miss you with my heart

Ale