Even when it's so fucking cold because of the wind. Today i have light in my eyes, soon will come a bastard to turn it off. But until this happens, i am in a full row of luck. The russian classes rocks, i had enjoyed at work, i have meet some nice people... even Ale finally mounted my tyranids tyrant. It appears as everything is fun and wonderfull. Maybe i even have sex other a concert soon. Naaah, don't ask so much. As i have said, soon will come a bastard to fuck the week. Let's hope that it only fucks the week and i don't have problems to sit me again.
Why am i writting all this ? No idea. Probably cause i am happy and want to share you with you. And by 'you' i mean Raya, who is the only person who read this. It's happening nice things in my life and there is a part of her responsability on it. She encourages me with her evil humour and maintain my curiosity for the world outside me and outside mine. I think this is important. So many mariners that i know are so enclosed... life is work, and after work family. That's when you are at an age, before this life is work, and after work party. And i want something more. Maybe not something incredible but... read, travel, know, discover, enjoy. Life must be something more than only simple pleasures. And Raya encourages me in this way.
So thanks for all, you evil one :-P And try to add the girl who doesn't speak. Embraces !
martes, 22 de febrero de 2011
domingo, 6 de febrero de 2011
What's up with me ?
Hormones are so evil sometimes. I just came back sailing so revolutionated... and after this i have only weirdness in my life. As i miss my bro so much, i have meet three Down guys in my street just in one day. I use to think that Down people are falling angels, a piece of heaven in our lifes and our souls. But just at this moment... maybe life tries to say me something.
The other day there was a new in tv. The spanish government want to close orphanages and get so many people as posible with " temporal families ". They said that the main problem comes with brothers, who are better to not be separated, and guys with diseases. A mate said that it's natural that someone who wants an orphan wants a healthy orphan. It was quite cruel, as they are person not horses, but life is cruel so i didn't care about it. I argumented, cause i like to argumented, and like any argument you have with a person without perspective, she took it to the personal aspect.
Would you adopt a guy with a disease ? She meant like down, other what my brother had. She didn't know how was my bro, but i thought about the question and i surprised myself answering yes. I would. I won't make a family ever, but if i make one i would like to have a guy other a girl with problems between us. Not for pity, as pity it's a ridiculous argument to do anything, but because a person this way teaches you so much things. They give you a true reason to fight, to never surrender. They hold you when you can't any more and they ask so few for all that they give... People who hasn't lived that experience cannot know what is, so the argument with this woman was a nonsense and a lost of time, but like any conversation it has two levels. One with her, and another with myself. And this second one was really usefull.
I am a few strange again. Remenbering all this theme gave me a feeling of emptyness, of loneliness, of useless. Why living, when i cannot share my knowledge and my experiences to anyone ? Just wander, looking for pleasure and for forgotteness. But at the same time i had a terrible lust for this, for a way to be out of anything, just enclosed in a bubble of feelings to not think. To not suffer.
Maybe that's why i am so weird this days. Lucky tomorrow we come back to work and i force myself to be " normal " again. Maybe i don't know what i really want.
Mr Ale
The other day there was a new in tv. The spanish government want to close orphanages and get so many people as posible with " temporal families ". They said that the main problem comes with brothers, who are better to not be separated, and guys with diseases. A mate said that it's natural that someone who wants an orphan wants a healthy orphan. It was quite cruel, as they are person not horses, but life is cruel so i didn't care about it. I argumented, cause i like to argumented, and like any argument you have with a person without perspective, she took it to the personal aspect.
Would you adopt a guy with a disease ? She meant like down, other what my brother had. She didn't know how was my bro, but i thought about the question and i surprised myself answering yes. I would. I won't make a family ever, but if i make one i would like to have a guy other a girl with problems between us. Not for pity, as pity it's a ridiculous argument to do anything, but because a person this way teaches you so much things. They give you a true reason to fight, to never surrender. They hold you when you can't any more and they ask so few for all that they give... People who hasn't lived that experience cannot know what is, so the argument with this woman was a nonsense and a lost of time, but like any conversation it has two levels. One with her, and another with myself. And this second one was really usefull.
I am a few strange again. Remenbering all this theme gave me a feeling of emptyness, of loneliness, of useless. Why living, when i cannot share my knowledge and my experiences to anyone ? Just wander, looking for pleasure and for forgotteness. But at the same time i had a terrible lust for this, for a way to be out of anything, just enclosed in a bubble of feelings to not think. To not suffer.
Maybe that's why i am so weird this days. Lucky tomorrow we come back to work and i force myself to be " normal " again. Maybe i don't know what i really want.
Mr Ale
lunes, 24 de enero de 2011
Sometimes i just want emptyness
There are sometimes when you cannot anymore. Other you don't want to can, cause it's easier and more confortable. There are times when put your boots on is a full world in itself, so you let it be.
You torture yourself. Begin about people. Everybody is having fun, making plans. Noone feels so down as me, so alone as me, so empty as me. It's ridiculous and you know as you think it, but you continue torturing yourself cause, in a perverted way, it makes you happy. You need to hurt someone and noone is easier to hurt than yourself. Why do you do that ? Cause you are weak and you are too proud to recognaise it. And for this time the life took you with your defences down. It's easier to torture yourself than simply recognaise that something hurted you.
It's what Raya calls a " girlie moment ". Other it's me who call it, who cares ? When i am in this mood i don't want to learn russian, don't want to travel, don't want to paint, don't want anything. I just become a vegetable who plays computer. Even chat is too much work for my vegetable brain.
But it doesn't plays. I am a dog, a sea dog, and as any dog i need kindness, good eating and exercise. As i had a lack of this three i become down, but soon i will put me on the move. I need to. A few boat, a few friends, a few sport, a few metal. Things that keep you on, that activates you and forces you to do something. I want to eat chinese food, i want to be full, and warm, and happy. I want to rest and laugh. Maybe a serie ? Maybe some comics ? Maybe something will heal me for what i have done to myself.
Anyway, tomorrow will be another day. Dream Theater sang it " wake another day, try a little harder, find another reason, to stay ". And this is what i will do. So keep on as you can and remenber, it's up to you. We are still on the fight
Ale
You torture yourself. Begin about people. Everybody is having fun, making plans. Noone feels so down as me, so alone as me, so empty as me. It's ridiculous and you know as you think it, but you continue torturing yourself cause, in a perverted way, it makes you happy. You need to hurt someone and noone is easier to hurt than yourself. Why do you do that ? Cause you are weak and you are too proud to recognaise it. And for this time the life took you with your defences down. It's easier to torture yourself than simply recognaise that something hurted you.
It's what Raya calls a " girlie moment ". Other it's me who call it, who cares ? When i am in this mood i don't want to learn russian, don't want to travel, don't want to paint, don't want anything. I just become a vegetable who plays computer. Even chat is too much work for my vegetable brain.
But it doesn't plays. I am a dog, a sea dog, and as any dog i need kindness, good eating and exercise. As i had a lack of this three i become down, but soon i will put me on the move. I need to. A few boat, a few friends, a few sport, a few metal. Things that keep you on, that activates you and forces you to do something. I want to eat chinese food, i want to be full, and warm, and happy. I want to rest and laugh. Maybe a serie ? Maybe some comics ? Maybe something will heal me for what i have done to myself.
Anyway, tomorrow will be another day. Dream Theater sang it " wake another day, try a little harder, find another reason, to stay ". And this is what i will do. So keep on as you can and remenber, it's up to you. We are still on the fight
Ale
jueves, 20 de enero de 2011
Raya is the guilty
So, here i am. Tonight i had some kind of magic in my life and here i am, ready to write it again. For the first time in... maybe a year ? I think almost, overall because Vicen saved me. But i think that it has been a loooong time since the last when i went to a concert and enjoyed so much. It's curious to say, but probably Angelus Apatrida is the only spanish " crude " metal band ( excepting Ktulu ) wich i really like. And tonight they broke it off in Cádiz :-) It was a great time and i felt myself so happy, so shining, so... so alive. We need metal :-)
In Prosiland i define myself with a lot of words, but i forgot to speak about metal there. No idea why. There is a lot of empty spaces in my life that i try to fill with anything that i can, and there are a lot of other things that i forgot that they are, and of course they do ! Curiously, tonight i missed Eva in the concert. I remenbered too late that i should told her about the concert and maybe she would come. But i miss so many things... and there is so few time to lost missing things. I just try my best and hope this is enough.
Tonight i confessed something to the crow girl. I haven't really love anyone since Jose isn't with me. I haven't truly hate something too. I think that i have gone too far in my germanation to pass over the pain and put some order and discipline into my life. Maybe i need a good amount of Brazil, but tonight as i was in the concert i began noticing somethings about the plan to Brazil that i didn't liked. And at the same time it atracted me so much. Why bad things are so interesting ? Aaahh, the temptation of evil.
Anyway, it's time to go sleeping. I will rest four hours and tomorrow work and lots of duties. Let's see how it goes ! Wish me luck, people. Here i am, and here will i come from time by time to bore you with stories, tales and nonsenses ( not necesarily in this order ). Have a great time ;-)
Ale
In Prosiland i define myself with a lot of words, but i forgot to speak about metal there. No idea why. There is a lot of empty spaces in my life that i try to fill with anything that i can, and there are a lot of other things that i forgot that they are, and of course they do ! Curiously, tonight i missed Eva in the concert. I remenbered too late that i should told her about the concert and maybe she would come. But i miss so many things... and there is so few time to lost missing things. I just try my best and hope this is enough.
Tonight i confessed something to the crow girl. I haven't really love anyone since Jose isn't with me. I haven't truly hate something too. I think that i have gone too far in my germanation to pass over the pain and put some order and discipline into my life. Maybe i need a good amount of Brazil, but tonight as i was in the concert i began noticing somethings about the plan to Brazil that i didn't liked. And at the same time it atracted me so much. Why bad things are so interesting ? Aaahh, the temptation of evil.
Anyway, it's time to go sleeping. I will rest four hours and tomorrow work and lots of duties. Let's see how it goes ! Wish me luck, people. Here i am, and here will i come from time by time to bore you with stories, tales and nonsenses ( not necesarily in this order ). Have a great time ;-)
Ale
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